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Catalog of Unfit Toys: Ennuija Board

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on March 23, 2011

ennuija-small.jpgWhat does the future hold in store for you? How could it possibly matter? When did these kinds of questions ever hold any significance for you? Why even bother reading the rest of this paragraph?

Introducing Ennuija Board, the exciting “talking board” for those who, quite honestly, have heard enough and can’t imagine that anyone or anything will ever have something interesting to say again.

First, gather around a few of your closest friends you never really had anything in common with and who you can’t possibly feel further apart from even as you literally sit right next to them. Second, place your hand on the moving indicator because that’s what is expected of you and not because you expect even the slightest hint of fun or fortune in return. Then third, ask yourself why you bothered to play in the first place. Seriously, what could be more tedious than a parlor game? The endless, enervating chit-chat that goes with it? The dead-eye stares of people mere fate has dictated are your companions? The distant sounds of the grandfather clock in the hall, each chime a death knell for another minute forever lost and forgotten?

Perfect for mandated get-togethers, evenings, mornings or noons that just won’t seem to end or as yet another thing to do while you contemplate why there will never, ever be anything interesting, inspiring or important for you to do, Ennuija Board won’t so much make your day as mark it on a calendar already teeming with X’s but incapable of answering “Why?”

See More at The Catalog of Unfit Toys.

Other Links:
Notes from Ann Coulter’s Book Editor
Your War Time “Free Sandwich” Punch Card
Excerpts from “I Could Pee on This” and Other Poems by Cats
My Upcoming Coffee Table Books
The Worst-Selling Books of the Year (So Far)

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7 Responses

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  1. Kai Nagai-Rothe said, on March 23, 2011 at 12:08 pm


    Place your hands on the indicator and feel defeated that no one cares enough to move it

  2. Piraro said, on March 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    You misspelled “Enuijja” in the title of this post. Don’t worry, I do this kind of thing all the time and my readers annoyingly point it out in the comments section of the post, rather than emailing me privately, too.

    • cesco7 said, on March 23, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      No, no, thanks for pointing it out, Dan!

  3. Piraro said, on March 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Love this gag, by the way. I’ll look for it on “Colbert Report” tonight.

  4. Timbo said, on March 23, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    The Ouija board was my primary tool of seduction in grade 9. You sit in a darkened room with a girl, both of your hands on the planchette. You ask the board, “Should we neck”. Somehow the answer was always yes. So simple So effective. Everything is so complicated these days.

  5. Baby Got Books » Friday Links said, on March 25, 2011 at 9:52 am

    [...] For the hipster on your shopping list – the Ennui-ja Board [...]

  6. [...] Ennuija Board – “I summon the spirit…meh, forget it.” [...]

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