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Bob Cratchit: Whiny Ingrate

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on November 27, 2012

As Christmas Day nears and the country still struggles financially on the precipice of a fiscal cliff, one’s mind turns to thoughts of A Christmas Carol, a holiday tale defined by hard economic times as symbolized by Scrooge’s poor, underpaid clerk Bob Cratchit. Yet, upon looking at the story with fresh eyes and through the lens of today’s skyrocketing unemployment, one can’t help but find Cratchit a wholly unsympathetic–if not downright despicable–character.

Although Cratchit is known for his diffident nature in light of his unpleasant circumstances–taking life on the chin while he and his family get it up the ass–the reader can tell he hopes for a better future, one involving regular meals and perhaps names for the two of his six children who don’t have ones in the book. And, yes, on the surface this may seem a thoroughly admirable and acceptable outlook for the character. But does Bob really have it so bad? After all, this was Victorian England, where children were thought of as a potential substitute for coal and people were thrown into debtor’s prison for taking a penny but not leaving a penny. This was an era where factories would work employees 25 hours a day thanks to a glitch in Greenwich Mean Time and people were oft paid in metal dross, which could then be exchanged for a whipping. Women were perceived as chattel, children were considered office supplies and the working man was as expendable as the pandas factory owners would throw into the furnaces to fuel their elephant ivory polishing machines.

And during this horrible, hardscrabble time where the best the lower classes could hope for was Scarlet Syphilitic Cholera Disease, we have Mr. Bob Cractchit, who by comparison has the world hanging by a string of gold. To wit:

• Full-time employment
• Walking-distance commute
• Long working hours probably help him avoid city rush hour for Frankensteins, Draculas, Mr. Hydes, and whatever the hell else seemed to be wandering freely during 1800’s England
• Ready access to office stove
• Time off–with money!–for all of Christmas Day
• A job that asks nothing more from him than copying letters by hand without coughing blood on them due to “Victorian Sniffles,” otherwise known as TB
• His very name means “money” (“Bob” being another term of “shilling”)
• A long, loving relationship at a tim when most marriages ended early due to carriage-wheel ensnarement or one partner turning 30 and thus dropping dead
• Children at precisely the right age to toil in mills or–in the case of his eldest daughter–milliners.
• Owns a white comforter that doubles as both a bedspread and a sports coat!
• Lives in a small village that may have been the very definition of fetid hell in the mid-19th century but now looks absolutely charming on Christmas cards
• Has a roof over his head and either scattered thatch or tightly packed sod under his feet.
• They toast on Christmas, meaning spirits or at the very least some form of liquid is well within their economic means.
• The comforting sense that his financially unwieldy family of eight will soon be cut down to a far more manageable seven.

By all accounts Bob represents a flourishing “middle class” in Dickensian England, one where there’s a job waiting at day’s start and at least a 20% chance of living to see night’s close. And with a daughter working for a hat maker, a son about to earn a full five-and-a-half shillings a week for accepting his inescapable fate, and numerous other children who can probably engage in a crossover with Oliver Twist and making money pickpocketing, Mr. Cratchit is well on his way to a financially secure future.

So next time you read–or more likely, watch–A Christmas Carol (whether in live action, cartoon, Muppet, or 70’s sitcom “holiday episode” format), waste not a tear for “poor” Bob Cratchit. Instead, reflect on the audacity of a man who has it all and yet still feels wanting in life. Bob Cratchit, you truly are the whiny ingrate of English literature.

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3 Responses

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  1. Allen K. said, on November 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

    This was especially excellent. Bravo, bravo sir.

    You left out a bullet point: His lucky, lucky nephews.

  2. Naked Bunny with a Whip said, on November 27, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I have to put off buying a new smartphone for three months, so screw you, Cratchit.

  3. Mollyscribbles said, on November 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    It must be noted that Scrooge actually let him have Christmas off in an era where this would normally only happen if it fell on a Sunday. As the end of the story demonstrates, even the butcher and toy store are open on Christmas morning.

    Also, how the hell is Mrs Cratchitt supposed to cook a goose the size of a street kid?


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