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Ted Forth: His Own Words (Part the One), Monday, February 21st, 2011

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on February 21, 2011

Despite the soul-crushing loneliness, the heart-wrenching isolation, the head-pounding untreated medical condition; despite the hollow echo of one’s own voice in lieu of meaningful dialogue, the feverish handwritten  love notes to old Hanna-Barbera characters in lieu of true companionship, the relentless screaming in lieu of being able to afford a cell phone; despite the lack of hope in finding a friend, the want for any semblance of human contact or the complete dearth of any music whatsoever as you slow dance naked to your own diminishing pulse in the corner of the storage unit that would cost you upwards of $15 a month to live in if it were indeed your storage unit, cartooning is not the solitary profession I assumed it be would be when I was young and so pathologically shy that I thought it best to hide in the woods than get that transplant I still kinda desperately need.

In fact, cartooning involves a lot of communication with one’s professional, financial and visually pleasing betters, often utilizing such phrases as “Where’s that strip?” “We can’t publish that strip” or “If it helps you get out of that storage unit, we can pay you in pants.” But it’s that middle phrase I wish to focus on today. You see, over the course of the 13 years I’ve written Sally Forth–first  with a cowriter I never actually met, then alone and now with a rabbit only I can see–some comic strip panels failed to reach your newspaper due to prudent editing on the part of my editors (see “professional, financial and visually pleasing betters” above). And for reasons that I have yet to fully comprehend, all those edited panels prominently feature the title character’s husband, Ted Forth.

So this week, for the first time, I’m going to share those expurgated panels with you, the readers who gave up on comic strips long ago and come to sites such as this hoping to read new webcomics that I haven’t been able to post for the past few days because my scanner isn’t working and I hate it so much and life is just one goddamn relentless kick in the nads occasionally interrupted for Bowflex ads.

I hope you enjoy the following and if you have any questions please ask your local god. They usually have the answers or at least can open a dialogue that doesn’t engage in false self-deprecation or use of the word “nads.” Thank you.

19 Responses

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  1. Sarapen said, on February 21, 2011 at 1:19 am

    Man, twelve years later and I still don’t get what happened in Blue Velvet. Of course, I was still in high school at the time. Maybe I’ve gotten smarter since then?

  2. Andy said, on February 21, 2011 at 3:06 am

    I … I love this.

  3. Proginoskes said, on February 21, 2011 at 3:18 am

    “Over the course of the 13 years I’ve written Sally Forth–first with a cowriter I never actually met, then alone and now with a rabbit only I can see.”

    Ah, I see you’ve met Harvey.

    Also: I wish more comic strip writers would publish strips like these, in that they’re great, but there’s no way in **** that they will ever get published.

  4. Six_of_One said, on February 21, 2011 at 4:04 am

    Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You’re everything I wish I could be. I can fly higher than an eagle….you are the wind beneaaaaaath my wiiiiiiiings.

    No wait, that’s the drugs.

  5. Naked Bunny with a Whip said, on February 21, 2011 at 6:25 am

    and now with a rabbit only I can see

    Nobody else needs to see that I’m the only one who loves you, Francesco. Shh. Shh. There, there. *rocks you and sings softly*

  6. Gen Crane said, on February 21, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Have I told you lately that I love you? (sorry, that other lady/dude, dude/lady started it) But seriously, ❤

  7. Piraro said, on February 21, 2011 at 10:43 am

    And you are virtually all of our writing better. See? That clumsy sentence proves it.
    Because of this brilliant post, I will now take an indefinite sabbatical from my own pathetic attempts at blogging until I can forget how good you are at this.

    By the way, my (inconveniently located) scanner is at your disposal and there are always plenty of pants our here in Brooklyn if you get booted from that storage unit.

    Also, until your scanner issue is resolved, consider taking cell phone pics of your art and posting those. Your loyal readers will not mind.

  8. Jacob Singer said, on February 21, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Just absolutely brilliant. Made my day.

  9. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tom Racine and Lost In Ube, Ces Marciuliano. Ces Marciuliano said: Ted Forth: In His Own Words (Part the One) […]

  10. Franc said, on February 21, 2011 at 11:29 am

    The day’s still young, but this post is by far the best thing so far, and will likely go the distance.

  11. Rebekah said, on February 21, 2011 at 11:46 am


    You showed us these things.

    We love you for it.


    “I hope you enjoy the following and if you have any questions please ask your local god.” made me laugh out loud which is bad ’cause I’m in a meeting and supposed to be learning things.

  12. Limpy said, on February 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Ted Forth now makes so much more sense given his pre-pre-pre-pre-pubescent service in Vietnam.

    Thank you for that.

  13. Scott said, on February 21, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Only one week? I imagine you have a larger trove than that!

    Also, these are genius. I am struck by how much Ted and I seem to have in common…

  14. KarMann said, on February 21, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Well, the reason the Blue/National Velvet one didn’t make the cut could be because it’s a very close duplicate of one of my favourite old Mr. Boffos. On the other hand, that also shows that some editors will let such things be published.

  15. muriel said, on February 21, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Love the one about Blue Velvet. Especially since National Velvet was my favorite movie as a kid. My other favorite movie was Zulu with Stanley Baker
    And don’t worry Sarapen, I saw Blue Velvet when I was 30, and I couldn’t discern a plot either.
    Do you have any “suppressed” panels featuring Sally’s mother? Shudder. She makes me laugh, then cringe.

  16. yellojkt said, on February 21, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Ted Forth, My Hero.

  17. Toronto said, on February 21, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    *sigh* These really do need to get out there.

  18. Mollyscribbles said, on February 21, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Man, why did the dragon one get rejected? It’s not as filled with implications of alcoholism, mobster birds, or deep-rooted psychosis as the others. Try resubmitting the next time your editors return from their annual fight to the death (the only way to get turnover in the industry).

  19. Claude said, on February 22, 2011 at 8:28 am

    I’m sure every comic strip writer has had to deal with some form of censorship. Or nearly every one, anyway–after all, who’s going to mess with Karen Moy?

    However, while Ted has always been presented as a bit of an odd guy, I’m curious to know whether the syndicate has ever taken issue with your portrayals of him in this forum as a psychotic, perhaps drug-addled, delusional nutcase.

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