Catalog of Unfit Toys: First-Timer’s Rubik’s Cube
Relive that magical, now almost mythical night you finally became a man and solved your very first real puzzle with First-Timer’s Rubik’s Cube.
The anticipation and anxiety begin in your dorm room, older brother’s car or parents’ beach house as the far more experienced First-Timer’s Rubik’s Cube calmly suggests you “Relax,” “Put on some music,” “Maybe have another beer” or “Stop waving that thing around.”
Then once the mood is right or at least all your friends have gotten the hint and left, First-Timer’s Rubik’s Cube gently guides you through the mystifying process with such helpful advice as “The right…move to the right…no, the other right…SLOW DOWN! What is this?! A race?!…Oh Christ, don’t apologize! Just try and concentrate on the…No…No…NO!…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR HANDS?!?…Okay, how about we start with just one finger…”
Whether you ultimately complete the puzzle to your emotional and physical satisfaction or wind up several hours later with nothing but a cramped hand, self-loathing and the crippling fear that you’re never, ever going to get it right, First-Timer’s Rubik’s Cube is sure to be the one toy you’ll always remember, whether in your dreams or in your nightmares.
See More at The Catalog of Unfit Toys.
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Excerpts from “I Could Pee on This” and Other Poems by Cats
The Original Cats Quote Charlie Sheen
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Rejected Children’s Books