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The Medium Large Guide to Preparing for the Rapture

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on May 19, 2011


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16 Responses

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  1. Naked Bunny with a Whip said, on May 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Why the hell does the Rapture have to happen on Saturday? Why can’t it wait until Monday morning, preferably a little bit before rush hour?

    • Mollyscribbles said, on May 19, 2011 at 9:46 pm

      Look at it this way: If they’re raptured while in their cars, it’ll make rush hour into an eternal traffic jam (until someone with a bulldozer comes along to clear the lanes). Rapture ’em on Saturday evening, when everyone’s likely to be parked somewhere, roads are free and clear come monday.

  2. E.A. Blair said, on May 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I can think of a lot of advantages if the Rapture were real. Think about it:

    Sooooo many obnoxious people whould be gone…for good.

    A good number of them might be politicians.

    All the high-profile religious nuts, televangelists and politicians still left would be exposed definitively as the hypocrites they are.

    No Jehovah’s Witnesses ringing your doorbell for a thousand years.

    Housing, used cars, other pre- and now dis-owned property – two words: BUYERS’ MARKET!!!

    Unfortunately, it looks like all the Catholics will still be here, because the Rapture doesn’t loom large in their catechism (I grew up with twelve years of Catholic education and never heard of the Rapture until I was in my thirties).

    Anything else? Feel free to chime in.

    • Mollyscribbles said, on May 19, 2011 at 9:46 pm

      My question: Why would God want to put up with them any more than we do?

      • E.A. Blair said, on May 19, 2011 at 10:31 pm

        There are several ways to answer this. One is to say that if there is a deity who is omnipotent, omnipresent, omni-this and omni-that, it is also omnipatient.

        Another is to say that if god is to transcendental that its nature can’t be apprehended by man, it will make no difference to it.

        Yet another is to bring up my favorite notion of the afterlife (if, indeed, there is one): instead of getting what they hope they’ll get, they’ll get what they truly deserve.

        Finally, I’ll just say it’s god’s problem, and I don’t give a damn as long as I don’t have to deal with them.

      • E.A. Blair said, on May 19, 2011 at 10:31 pm

        There are several ways to answer this. One is to say that if there is a deity who is omnipotent, omnipresent, omni-this and omni-that, it is also omnipatient.

        Another is to say that if god is so transcendental that its nature can’t be apprehended by man, it will make no difference to it.

        Yet another is to bring up my favorite notion of the afterlife (if, indeed, there is one): instead of getting what they hope they’ll get, they’ll get what they truly deserve.

        Finally, I’ll just say it’s god’s problem, and I don’t give a damn as long as I don’t have to deal with them.

    • Rich said, on May 20, 2011 at 12:49 pm

      Sorry – I think we’re stuck with the politicians 😉

  3. E.A. Blair said, on May 19, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    Sorry about the duplicate answer. If one of them can be deleted, please do so, as it contains a typo.

  4. BlueNight said, on May 20, 2011 at 2:21 am

    As a Christian, I would like to reiterate what lots of people have been ignoring:

    the Bible says noone knows the date or time, not even Jesus, just God the Father. If He’s not telling His own Son, he’s sure as heck not telling that nutjob.

    Keep in mind that if that nutjob and his people disappear from the face of the Earth, it’s a frame-job by the CIA/whoever.

    • Fraser said, on May 20, 2011 at 8:08 am

      He’s not coming back. Seriously. Neither is Santa Claus, Demeter, nor even the Black Rabbit of Inle.

      I might be wrong about the last one.

    • E.A. Blair said, on May 20, 2011 at 9:49 am

      Yeah, and the bible also says in several places that it would happen within the apostles’ own lifetime. “Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.” –Matthew.16:28

      So tell me Mr. Night – Was Jesus lying or was he just a bad forecaster?

      • Technogeek said, on May 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm

        Neither. The Bible just neglected to mention that there were time travelers in the crowd.

      • Fraser said, on May 23, 2011 at 3:48 am

        I’ve heard people argue that we don’t know for sure that everybody who was standing there is actually dead.

      • T. dub said, on May 23, 2011 at 11:52 am

        Just to prevent any further confusion, what appears to be a discrepancy here is actually a failure in the translation to let you understand what it really meant.

        This and the parallel passages (Luke 9:27, Mark 9:1) are each immediately followed by the account of the transfiguration where some of the discples (Peter, James, and John) saw a VISION of the Son of man being glorified and standing among the resurrected Moses and Elijah – a glimpse of the future kingdom. The “see” means “in a vision”

      • Fraser said, on May 24, 2011 at 1:56 am

        Why is Jesus unable to express himself clearly?

  5. Gen said, on May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Harold Camping said that he calculated the end of days to be in 1994. Now he says it’s tomorrow. I guess he got an F in end times math and is trying again this quarter.


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