“I Could Pee on This” is #4 on the NPR Bestseller List
Bridging the gap between Julia Child and Darth Vader.
Thank you, guys!
My Summer Regret: Monkeys
As this season draws to an unofficial close one’s mind reflects not only on this summer’s memories but on those of summers past. And so it is that I recall a June five years ago when I had just moved into my current apartment. I was busily on the search for new art to hang on my blank walls, knowing that if I stared at that “Benjamin Moore Simply White” surface any longer I’d eventually snap, cover the entire studio in blackboard paint, and immediately start scrawling feverish dreams that would make a Henry Darger retrospective look like Eric Carle’s The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Eventually that search led me to peruse some paintings at a curious produce shop on the Upper East Side–as the Medicis no doubt did before me–where I noticed a price tag exclaiming, in megaphone font, “SALE! ONE WEEK ONLY! $185!” It already being Wednesday, I quickly looked at the attached painting, only to first notice a small, metal plaque screwed to the bottom of its wooden frame.
It read, simply, “Portrait, Edwardian Monkey.”
And sure enough, the plaque did not lie. The painting was in fact an in-studio portrait of a seated monkey, circa 1910. The subject was smartly attired in a Norfolk jacket, checkered cap, tasteful black tie, crisp white linen shirt and an onyx walking stick. On a small pedestal was placed a white and pink Chinese vase, filled with a cross-sampling of British orchids. A pipe was held firmly, but not tightly, in a gloved hand. The monkey acknowledged this viewer with little to no regard, as if I just happened to fall inadvertently within his line of sight only to be soon dismissed for a smudge on the wall, a chip in a teacup, or the grout between the tiles.
As I studied “Portrait, Edwardian Monkey,” with a critical eye for both subject matter and execution, a single yet persistent question eventually came to mind–Exactly what is the going rate for crap? Is $185 for “Portrait, Edwardian Monkey” a good deal? Is it a steal? Will I be kicking myself hard this week when I return to said produce shop only to find the painting is once more retailing for its standard six-figure price?
All I know is, if that plaque had read, “Self-Portrait, Edwardian Monkey” that shit would be hanging in my apartment as we speak.
The Cat Overlord Book Club (and Chronicle Books’ Literary Cat Contest)
Yes, there is indeed a Cat Overlord Book Club, in which a remarkably cute kitty reviews books from The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry to Hello Kitty Sweet Happy Fun Book. Check out all the Overlord’s reviews and literary cat photos here.
And speaking of “literary cats,” make sure to enter Chronicle Books’ I Could Pee on This Photo Contest! Tag a photo of a literary cat you love on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram with the hashtag #literarycat between now and September 25th and you’ll automatically be entered for a chance to win! Contest ends September 25, 2012 so enter now!
Huffington Post Slide Show for “I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats”
The Huffington Post has put together a great selection of poems from I Could Pee on This in a handy slide show presentation! Featuring nine adorable kittens, The Huff Post article is also the perfect reading device for those who after years of playing Super Mario or Pitfall! prefer to see things side-scrolled.
Check out the poem photo montage right here!
Perhaps She’s Laughing on the Inside
Lucy Northrop Corwin’s cat Petunia reads I Could Pee on This, wondering why her own epic poem in feline heroic hexameter has yet to be published by Cat Fancy.
And don’t forget the Chronicle Books’ I Could Pee on This Photo Contest! Tag a photo of a literary cat you love on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram with the hashtag #literarycat between now and September 25th and you’ll automatically be entered for a chance to win!
For more information go here. And for official rules please click here.
Field Report from a Cat
From the Field Office of Dr. Horace Q. Chadwell
AKA “Winkles”
My Dear Colleagues,
They say the first rule of animal research is not to name your subjects, because to do such only colors all observations and conclusions. Name a chimpanzee “Greybeard,” for example, and you’ll instinctively surmise there is great wisdom in the way he shoved that twig so far up his nostril he arched his left brow, forever giving him a quizzical look. But name a lion “Doodles” and he can crack Fermat’s Last Theorem only for you to mutter, “That poor, dumb bastard.”
But here I was, well into my sixth year of field study in the den of a human family, only to find myself violating that very cardinal rule. And how could I not?! Each and every day I sat there—the mute onlooker, the removed witness—as “Middle-Age Spread,” “She’s Too Good for Him” and “Little Girl they Call ‘Chloe’ but I Affectionately Refer to as ‘Will Always Need Bangs’” ate, slept, but mostly complained with clear desperation and heart-breaking consternation that “There’s never freaking anything worth watching on Netflix Streaming! And to think right now we could be watching like 600 freaking movies on tape if someone hadn’t decided that the freaking VCR was outdated despite that fact it was working just fine six freaking years ago!”
I ask you, my esteemed brethren, would you not be moved by such a grievous plight? Would you have been able to remain perched on the carpet tree they bought you maintaining no personal relationship, no familial connection, with these poor individuals whatsoever? I think not!
And so with no indication of a favorable resolution, no sign that their cruel torment was anything but interminable, I broke the second rule of animal research. I became directly involved in my subjects’ lives for the very first time, ending their ceaseless suffering and providing the necessary balm to their pained souls by letting them dangle a string in front of me for two hours until I got bored and walked away.
Then I lost my funding.
Sincerely,
Dr. Horace Q. Chadwell
Winkles
CONTEST? YES A CONTEST!
Enter the Chronicle Books’ I Could Pee on This Photo Contest! Tag a photo of a literary cat you love on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram with the hashtag #literarycat between now and September 25th and you’ll automatically be entered for a chance to win!
For more information go here. And for official rules please click here.
Command Performance
Dan Gezelter’s cat Nutmeg does a one-cat dramatic reading of the book as Schroeder looks on, wondering just how many performances he’ll have to attend to show his support.
And don’t forget the Chronicle Books’ I Could Pee on This Photo Contest! Tag a photo of a literary cat you love on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram with the hashtag #literarycat between now and September 25th and you’ll automatically be entered for a chance to win!
For more information go here. And for official rules please click here.
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