What The Great Pumpkin Said to Linus
“Are you a narc? Because you have to tell me if you’re a narc.”
“Yeah, well, not every pumpkin is perfectly shaped, bright orange and not riddled with mold spores.”
“Actually, I’m just zipping around the world handing out flyers for my band’s gig tomorrow night. We kinda have a indie/funk/reggae fusion like vibe. Anyway, admission’s free but the bar owner’s being a real dick about the drink minimum…”
“It’s time you learn that ‘sincere patch’ is just another way of saying ‘straightforward bribe.'”
“Well, then just take out the maximum the ATM will allow. And hurry up. My knifing hand is gettin’ itchy…”
“I could’ve gone into the family business. Could be making a tidy little fortune on wall-to-wall carpeting. But no, I had to be the artsy one…
“Yes, that’s all you get–one Tootsie Roll and one mini-box of Chiclets. I’m not running a freakin’ charity for pre-diabetics here.”
“Soon every pumpkin in this patch will duplicate your friends and loved ones. Then we will rise–RISE!–as a pointed indictment of McCarthyism!”
“Did I ask you who ‘Keyser Söze’ was?! DID I?! No! I just said I can’t believe I have yet to see that film but then you had to go and blow it for me! Asshole…”
“Damn, each kid, uglier than the last…:
“Kid, you’re 18. Enough’s enough. Shouldn’t you be out on the town, impregnating the future divorced mother of your six halfwit kids?”
“Stop willing me into existence! I shouldn’t be!”
“Hey, what’s with the cinnammon, cloves, graham cracker crus…oh crap…”
If Doctor Who Had Been Created In America
This November marks the 50th anniversary of “Doctor Who,” one of the most venerable institutions of British television. But what if “Doctor Who” didn’t originate in England? What if it had been created in America (though filmed in Canada to save money)? How would that have greatly/regrettably/horrifyingly altered the very nature of the series?
From what would have replaced the sonic screwdriver to what would be the whole point of the series, click here.
Unpublished Halloween Coffee Table Books
Over the years I have taken countless photos perhaps under the deluded belief that if I don’t visually document everything then those very things won’t exist because I have a magic camera and enchanted iPhone. Or maybe because I just like to take pictures. Either way, it has resulted in me having an untold number of images that I have time and time again organized into coffee table books that remain unpublished because of The Man (or because my own publisher wishes to remain profitable). So for this spooky time of the year in which you are already regretting purchasing that pimp costume you know 98% of all men will be wearing come October 31st, here is your special edition of Unpublished Halloween Coffee Table Books…
6 Lovable Robots Who Could Have Destroyed All Humans
The robot sidekick is a crucial part of science fiction storytelling, right up there with addressing contemporary concerns through fantastical means and scoring with green-skinned women. But having humans depend on these amiable androids for so much so often can only increase the chances that what makes them such great friends is also what might make them such unstoppable foes…
From R2-D2 to the bots of MST3K, see all your best friends/worst enemies right here.
On Celebrating National Cat Day: October 29th
To find out more about National Cat Day click here.
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