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What the Walruses Are Telling Ted Forth

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on January 26, 2014

Ted Forth Walrus
“’Nobody likes a chatty hostage’ is an aphorism you really should commit to memory before you stop at the bank next Tuesday.”

“The best way to find your true inner self is with a flashlight and scalpel.”

“Aliens will abduct you for their intergalactic zoo not so much because you represent the prototypical human but because you were stupid enough to accept a ride from them to the mall.”

“Yelling ‘Get out of dreams, get into my car!’ will not only fail to lessen your nightmares but will just confuse the hideous creatures that inhabit within.”

“Don’t forget to buy that Groupon for a language immersion course by way of Stockholm Syndrome.”

“The five carpenter tools that would make great nicknames are “Handsaw””Power Drill,””Nail Gun,””Bolt Cutter,”and “Impact Driver.” The five that would not are “Ball-Peen Hammer,””Socket Set,””Cordless Vac,””Assorted Tacks,”and “Aluminum-Handled Snip”

“Overcome any flaws that might set you back as a public speaker with dancers.”

“Everything will be going your way both professionally and personally until the fateful day you arrive home to find your cat sitting upright on your favorite chair, drinking your best sherry, and stating, ‘Things are going to be a lot different from here on out. A lot different.’”

“A small house will hold as much happiness as a big house. He who is poor in wealth if often rich in friends. Success is measured not in dollars but in hugs. Frankly, we can’t be any clearer regarding your professional path this year.”

“Turn around. Slowly.”

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