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“Sally Forth: The Beach House Day 1” by Stanley Kubrick (and Jim Keefe)

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 30, 2014

Facebook’s Other Psychology Experiments

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 30, 2014

Facebook Psych Experiments

The actual Facebook emotion experiment.

Sally Forth: The Beach House, Day 1

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 30, 2014

And so it begins, as the Forths travel headlong into what will prove to be either a pleasant summer vacation, the plot to And Then There Were None, or just keep driving as Ted secretly decides to initiate “The Chadwells Option.”SF June 30 2014

Sally Forth Summer Vacation Quiz
Since the Forths’ home state has never been specified, how long do you think it will take for them to reach a beach?
1. 3 hours
2. 10 hours
3. Thanks to the non-linear nature of time in comic strips, the Forths have actually been on the road since 2008 and 2018.

Ted Forth’s Guide to Independence Day Class-C Explosives

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 30, 2014

SF July 3 2011Ted Forth Sparklers 2SPARKLER: Much like candy cigarettes were once an adorable towhead’s first awkward steps toward an adult lung biopsy, the equally harmless sparkler once started a child on the path that could eventually lead to firecrackers. Then M-80s. Then having to count to ten by using the same hand twice. That said, as fireworks, sparklers were only amusing if you had ever wondered what a corn dog would be like if it were made of magnesium. Limited in firepower, lacking in risk and wanting in unbridled machismo, the sparkler lent itself to only three forms of entertainment:

1. Pretending the sparkler was a light saber as you engaged in epic duels while imitating Darth Vader’s voice in a prepubescent voice so ludicrously high it made Mickey Mouse sound like Barry White.
2. Using the sparkler to quickly scrawl some incandescent doggerel in the air, such as “This sparkler sucks.”
3. Making believe the sparkler was Tinkerbell burning up upon reentry.

Forth Firecracker 2FIRECRACKER: While the sparkler was a sign from above of what the world would be like if moms had final say and safety scissors were considered “shivs,” firecrackers were like manna from heaven. After all, when you’re a child nothing but nothing spells “fun” like “detonation.” Throw in the added bonus of “deafening noise” and a firecracker seemed like Christmas and Armageddon rolled up into one. Granted, at times the appeal of the firecracker could seem limited at best. It didn’t scream across the sky. It wouldn’t burst into a shower of brilliant hues. It couldn’t be timed to blast perfectly to any thing other than that “The 1812 Overture.” But while the firecracker may have lacked the sheer artistry of professional firework displays or even roman candles, if placed carefully and in sufficient quantities, it could instantly revert your Tonka truck back into its elemental properties. The same went for your G.I. Joe doll, Lego sets, Aurora racetrack and Big Wheel. The downside of such merriment, alas, was that the firecracker could also rob you of all your earthly possessions faster than a crystal meth addiction.

Forth Bottle RocketsBOTTLE ROCKET: Back in the 60’s and 70’s, children oft dreamt of hurtling into space–usually within the safe confines of a capsule or some sort of ship. But while the very idea of commercial space travel seemed like something that would only come to fruition in the distant future–say 1992 or so–bottle rockets provided the perfect simulation for anyone who had already used all their Estes “D” rocket engines to send their Micronaut to another zip code. Of course, bottle rockets also had the rather nasty habit of arcing into a neighbor’s roof, setting fire to nearby brush or skidding down the street toward a wholly unsuspecting Big Wheel driver. But these were minor quibbles and acts of inadvertent arson compared to the pure elation of watching your rocket climb higher and higher into the stratosphere, slicing the air with its high-pitched whistle, only to abruptly and inexplicably turn and hurtle straight down into an idling car with a gas leak.

Forth Roman CandlesROMAN CANDLE: Despite the presence of the word “roman” in its name, these beloved fireball launchers were initially conceived as the ultimate weapon of mass destruction by a long-forgotten civilization so woefully inept at everything (including arming itself) that it died off due to accidental strangulation moments before it was conquered by some wayward sheep. The fact that such occurred in the mid-1930’s only makes their sad tale all the more pathetic. However, their horrifying yet admittedly humorous demise became every child’s gain. For what small tyke did not gaze wide-eyed in wonder at those airborne spheres of varicolored light–especially if they were headed right for their face thanks to some son-of-a-bitch second cousin. Your best chance to emulate a professional fireworks display without a permit or sponsor, the roman candle also brought a touch of class to a night that might have otherwise consisted solely of immovable “tank” firecrackers, aeronautically-deficient “whirlybirds” and firework “fountain” displays that showered only disappointment upon all–along with some sort of corrosive acid.

Forth ExplosionM-80: Providing a level of firepower not usually bequeathed to an eight-year-old outside of military service or backwoods militia, the M-80 was many a child’s proof that there is indeed a God. And that He is cool. And that He, too, understood that to create one must often destroy or at least dismantle well beyond easy repair. Whereas the bottle rocket was elegant—and the roman candle resplendent—the M-80 possessed its own simple yet foreboding beauty, not unlike a sunflower wielding a Beretta. It also gave a small child an enormous bargaining tool outside of the Fourth of July celebration…say, such as during discussions of a “new” bedtime with one’s parents or a talk about whether or not you would get to drive the car to Grandma’s house, literally through the woods. In short, to hold an M-80 was to have infinite possibility within your very grasp. It was, in essence, a chance to be God. Until you detonated it. Then all you were was covered in plaster and the dust of whatever else once lined your bedroom.

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Medium Large Comic: Monday, June 30, 2014

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 30, 2014

Kids Improve God 720

Sally Forth: Ted Forth and “The Chadwells Option”

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 29, 2014

This week begins the Forths’ two-week vacation with Sally’s family, a trip Ted is already dreading and already figuring out how to escape from…SF June 29 2014
Of course, this is not the first time Ted has proposed “The Chadwells” new alias option. In fact, over the years it has been his go-to plan for starting over whenever he fears how things just might end up.
SF October 30 2006SF November 4 2006SF November 24 2013SF March 18 2014

Lesser-Known Transformers

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 27, 2014

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Medium Large Comic: Friday, June 27, 2014

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 27, 2014

Transformers 2014 Small

How to Get Out of Work to Watch USA vs. Germany

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 26, 2014

USA vs Germany

Sally Forth: In Which Ted Finally Mentions “Battle of the Planets.” Again.

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 25, 2014

SF June 25 2014Yes, there are those of you saying I really should have mentioned the original, blessedly non 7-Zark-7 version, Science Ninja Team Gatchaman. And there are those of you who grew up with the reportedly more faithful American reboot G-Force: Guardians of Space. But Ted and I (not sure why I bother referring to us as separate entities anymore) grew up in a certain time, with a certain version, with eyes certain to light up when we saw this…

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