Sally Forth Sunday: Things Ted Forth Will Do with His Second Championship Trophy
• Replace his hood ornament with it, thus resulting in multiple automotive collisions in which he can crawl out of the wreckage and introduce himself to the other driver as “Ted Forth: Two-Time Softball League Champion and Lapsed Car Insurance Premium Customer.”
• Name it “Bossk,” his favorite bounty hunter from The Empire Strikes Back. Drive around with Bossk in the passenger seat pretending to look for Han Solo or that psychiatrist office he told Sally he was now regularly visiting.
• Place it by the front door so whenever anyone enters he can shout, “Mind you don’t trip over the championship trophy!” Then have guests place tithe in the trophy cup before they can enter the living room.
• Place the now two championship trophies on either side of the throne he will make once he figures out how to bedazzle a beach chair.
• Realize that with three championship trophies and some attached shopping cart wheels he could probably start a gang.
• Be more confident during business presentations when he knows he can always look for reassurance from the trophy he got a seat for in the conference room.
• Whisper his darkest secrets into the trophy’s cup Cover trophy cup with Saran Wrap so they can’t escape.
• Put on Roxy Music. Ask Sally to leave the house for an hour.