Judging Parker: Week Two
Before we begin, here is a fantastic illustration of what the future may bring—Judge Dredd Parker—drawn by Tom Racine, who does the fantastic Tall Tale Radio comics podcast that is truly a must-listen.
Okay, this week’s “Judging Parker” is going to be short for one reason: Yesterday while at a cafe I pushed my chair back, the back legs slid off a small platform, I fell backwards, could find no support, and smashed my mouth straight into a metal guardrail. While somehow I did not lose any teeth (so far, fingers crossed) the result was a non-stop, multidirectional ketchup sprinkler. Right now the only lingering result seems to be a fat lip, for which I am very lucky. I guess I could have said I got it in a bar fight, but anyone who knows me in the slightest wouldn’t believe that. I did once get shot in the lip with a bb gun, but that doesn’t sound manly at my age. So guard rail and copious blood it is.
And now I allow a moment for the people who will celebrate the fact I slashed my mouth open—the same who have made death threats since I took over Judge Parker—because social media is fun like that.
So here are the most salient points:
1. No, this will not turn into Garrick: The Comic.
2. Yes, the police and emergency units finally arrived and yes, there will be results.
3. Otoliths are the three small chalky bodies in the inner ear of vertebrates that rest on your hair cells and determine your sense of gravity and balance, both of which were not my friend yesterday.
Back to applying ice!