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“Sally Forth” Kaiju Theme Park: The Forths Vs. The Line Part 5

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on July 14, 2017

Know Your Kaiju!

Kumonga: Giant mutated spider. The villain in Son of Godzilla, a hero in Destroy All Monsters, Kumonga’s remarkable range eventually led to his one-actor production of 12 Angry Men. Also was initially cast as the tarantula in Home Alone, devouring the entire Mcallister clan before production was halted for rewrites.

Gigan: Cyborg space kaiju who first appeared in Godzilla vs. Gigan. Featuring a giant buzzsaw for an abdomen and hooks for hand, Gigan has never known the loving embrace of another. Now a middle school shop teacher, Gigan instructs all his students to wear safety googles before being split from head to groin.

Hedorah: Sentient pollution. Much like Godzilla symbolized Japan’s fear of nuclear strike, Hedorah was a gelatinous avatar for the country’s skyrocketing urban pollution at the time. Derived from the word “hedoro”—meaning “chemical ooze” or “slime”— the creature was eventually proven to be a Dow Scrubbing Bubble that had been consumed by the day-to-day grime it had once sworn to defeat.

Destoroyah: Demonic kaiju. A force of pure evil and cruelty, Destoroyah is not only perhaps Godzilla’s most powerful adversary but also the only one who actively takes joy in killing others as opposed to wandering around in a state of primal rage and unfocused civil engineering. The Destoroyah ride is not so much temporarily shut down as closed for good due to the way it gleefully cackled after every tourist dismemberment.

Mechani-Kong: A robot version of King Kong created by Dr. Who, as opposed to Doctor Who, Who MD, Who MD–PhD, and Honorary Doctor Who. It really shouldn’t be.


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