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Sally Forth: An Introduction to Trystero Con

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on June 25, 2018

If you’re currently reading Sally Forth then 1) Thank you! 2) No, you’re confusing us with a softcore military comic strip also called Sally Forth, 3) No, you’re confusing us with a hardcore newspaper comic strip called Mary Worth and 4) Then you know that the Forths are on their way to Trystero Con 2018 STARTING TODAY!

Which means you might now be asking yourself “So, wait, what is Trystero Con? How did it become the 247th premiere event for all things comics, graphic novels, but really mostly movies and TV shows and not at all about the first two things anymore? Why is it when I type ‘Trystero Con’ into Google I just get links to a book, a coffee shop, or right back to Sally Forth? And why if this thing only exists in Sally Forth did you still accept my 4-day pass payment of $475?”

All perfectly reasonable questions of which I’m only going to answer the first two except to say this is why you buy “ticket insurance” for another $125. You see, Trystero Con began in California in 1966 as a small gathering of underground postal workers wishing to engage in conspiracy theories, listen to the music of The Paranoids, await the rise of the Trystero Empire, and draw the Trystero Con symbol on every bathroom stall, leading to the Con’s permanent eviction from the San Narciso Convention Center in its very first year.

Around the same time in the New York city of Ilium, another small con had started to celebrate Bokononism, a religion founded on little white lies, which in turn had taken over a previous con that celebrated the birth of the atomic bomb with featured guest speaker Felix Hoenikker, who spoke to no one and blithely walked over someone convulsing on a churro. Unfortunately, Bokononocon met its own immediate demise when high sales of the con-exclusive treat Ice-Pop-Nines resulted in all liquid—including human saliva—turning solid, thereby destroying almost all life as we know it well as nearby Schenectady.

But soon the survivors of Bokononocon started communicating with those not jailed after the first Trystero Con through public trash cans, eventually meeting at a sot-weed dispensary to work out the details of a new con (combining the “Trystero” from one and the “Con” from the other) that included what was claimed by some to be the very first instances of con cosplay. Alas, those mistaken for cosplayers were actually aliens who could perceive time in four dimensions and thus knew in advance of Trystero Con’s lax security. And so they imprisoned all the attendees in an intergalactic zoo and completely screwed with the concept of linear time, making it impossible for people who only purchased a one-day pass to determine exactly which day they could go.

But there was an upside to being ripped from one’s concept of reality, as the alien invasion/kidnaping/laser-gun assassinations inspired Trystero Con planners to incorporate sci-fi into their event, which in turn led to including comics books, which in turn led to bringing in all elements of pop culture that could be turned into Funko Pop dolls, including the various homicide victims featured in ID Network programming, all under the new product line “Nice Quite Town.”

Which brings us to today and the excitement of another year of con events, including an appearance by voice actor/singer Karla Philips of the 80s animated TV series Starlee and the Moonbeams! So meet us at The-Convention-Center-on-the-Hill, located between Dylar Pharmaceuticals and the most-photographed barn in America, for what is either chronologically one day, a few days, or several weeks that in the end actually occur within one day (we’re still on Tralfamadorian time), for panels, parties, cosplay, exclusives, and a writer who still needs to apologize to an artist for typing such scene directions as “The following movie, TV, and graphic novels characters appear in cosplay in the the background of panel one before we move to the crowd scene of panel two…”

7 Responses

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  1. Please, no Maas! No Maas!

    • cesco7 said, on June 25, 2018 at 9:26 am

      Nicely done 🙂

  2. BillR said, on June 25, 2018 at 9:07 am

    Just curious–were you high when you wrote that? (Not that that’s a bad thing, of course.)

  3. abbotofunreason said, on June 26, 2018 at 12:12 am

    I went to college in Ilium. I thought the talking trash cans were just the mushrooms.

  4. Isaac Kelley said, on June 27, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    I went to one of these cons. I had been lead to expect more in the way of cats, also cradles. WHAT A WASTE.

  5. m@ said, on June 28, 2018 at 2:30 am

    So would it be Sally Forth #2 who put the ‘Tryst’ in ‘Trystero Con’?

  6. Howard Cherniack said, on July 3, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    W.A.S.T.E.


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