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Sally Forth Sunday: Now the Forths Can Stay with You!

Posted in Uncategorized by cesco7 on January 27, 2019

Have you ever wanted a comic character to stay at your house but you were immediately told that it wouldn’t be Calvin and Hobbes or Opus or Snoopy or Rat and Pig or a whole host of names that would initially come to mind, nor would they be from any of your favorite webcomics, nor from any graphic novels even though if you think about it having Alana and Marko hide out at your place would probably invite far more assassins than one is usually prepared to feed?

Well, now your most curious wishes can be granted in a certain manner by having Sally, Ted, and Hilary Forth Airbnb in your spare room, tool shed or crawl space! Yes, thanks to a long-game C-plot started last August, the entire back of the Forths’ house has been demolished in a way that somehow makes perfect, grounded sense in my mind. And since despite the fact that Abbey Spencer and Sam Driver of Judge Parker (rated the “Top Hate-Read Strip of 2018” by JD Power) have more property than God (officially determined following Sam’s legal victory over the Almighty concerning fence placement that then resulted in them finding oil in their accidentally uncovered diamond mine), the Forths cannot temporarily reside in Cavelton, Pennsylvania because weeks-long comic strip crossovers are far more complicated than one can might suppose (especially when newspapers don’t carry both strips). Which means everyone’s 53rd favorite comic strip family can now reside with you!

But what will you get if invite the Forths into your lives aside from every breakfast conversation being punctuated by disbelief Disney has yet to release the trailer for Star Wars Episode IX and wondering how all of Hilary’s friends got keys to your house? Why, such exclusive benefits as:

• The realization that your new guests are not aging at all even though they are experiencing and recalling time in the exact same construct as you…with the exception of their niece, who in a few years will be the oldest character in their world.
• Sally trying to convince you of an 80s space-band cartoon that she swore she watched every day as a child and is currently streaming on Netflix even though you cannot find evidence of either but are unable to say so because her entire family speaks far more than anyone you’ve ever encountered outside of an Aaron Sorkin production.
• Ted gradually wearing your clothes then replicating your entire look in a Single White Female fashion as the initial half-step to leading a new life while demanding you now refer to him as “The Honorable Lord Professor Everett Chadwell Mark 1.”
• A slightly GWAR-inspired middle-school band performing songs about lycanthropy in your garage or backyard while seemingly only attending school when it comes time for finals.
• Access to one Slip’N Slide and a series of MechaGodzilla hats from a theme park that much like the aforementioned 80s cartoon you cannot find existence of anywhere.
• The chance that not only will the Forths reside in your world but if realities bleed to an excessive degree or everyone achieves a Bergmanesque Persona-like melding of social masks then you can appear in their very strip only for some completely unhinged worthless lunatic to get angry at you if you’re not white or Christian.
• A cat who will bond with every evil spirit in your house, resulting in your ultimate doom.

Interested? Then contact the Forths in whatever state they reside in and let them know that you are willing to have them stay over, only to learn a comic strip world involves a lot more cameras, key grips, and Teamsters than you could ever imagine.

Good luck!

5 Responses

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  1. Carl Pietrantonio said, on January 27, 2019 at 10:51 am

    Dear God in heaven! I *HAVE* a space here that I rent out on Airbnb! Two bedrooms, office, kitchen, full bath, etc. Ted and Sally and Hilary are MORE than welcome here, as are all their friends!

    Tell them to come on over and for Ted to bring his MechaGodzilla stuff so we can compare collections!

    I’ll get the grill ready for use. Hamburger 2019 Recipe can’t be far away!

  2. Naked Bunny with a Whip said, on January 27, 2019 at 12:01 pm

    Before the Trump administration, I never would have imagined I’d be experiencing anxiety from Sally Forth cliffhangers. What a strange time we live in.

  3. Potato Queen said, on January 28, 2019 at 8:13 am

    We have two guest rooms, and the upstairs one is the 15-yo Boy From the Seventies Tribute Room with all the Star Wars-related art bought at Comic-Cons over the years (plus an Erica Henderson Squirrel Girl Corner). Maybe Sally could teach me how to use my seasonal affect disorder therapy lamp. Anyway, the Forths are all welcome here.

  4. Mollyscribbles said, on January 28, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    I’d consider it, but. Canada. I don’t know if they all have passports. Also, my cats would likely fight viciously if the interloper even looks in the direction of my lap.

  5. GH said, on January 29, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    I only have enough room for Ted, are you willing to break up the set?

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