What the Hell Was Ted Doing?!
I recently came across this old 80s Sally Forth collection that pre-dates my writing duties and I have to ask—Did Ted go on some caffeine (note coffee mug)/nicotine (note ash tray)/coke (note spoon in bowl)—fueled bender before ripping off all his clothes, blaring the boom box, and recreating the final dance sequence from Pat Benatar’s “Love Is a Battlefield” video? Also, apparently Ted became so fascinated with a box of Land O’Lakes butter that he started automatic writing in his notebook before jumping rope to get out all the toxins that kept screaming in his ear, “Take the shot, Ted! Take that basketball and hurl it straight through the glass cube divider that was mandatory in all 80s kitchens, Ted! DO IT!!!”
UPDATE: My girlfriend Stacey adds—So is this Ted’s A.D.H.D. breakdown? “I’m going to work! No! I’m going to vacuum! No! I’m going to play marbles while writing my screenplay and drinking hot chocolate! FUCK THOSE DOCTORS! I DON’T NEED MEDICATION!!!!!“
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