Last Time on “Sally Forth”
This may be the first time I’ve used such a narrative conceit—which I now see should read “Previously on Sally Forth”—all because of yesterday’s new story-arc introduction and the fact that not every newspaper that runs the daily strips prints the Sunday ones as well. (And while one could read the missed strips online, that’s neither everyone’s habit nor fair to expect people to do so.)
But tune in when we start to use other such old-time TV show tropes as “On the next,” “To be continued,” “On a very special,” “The role of _____ will now be played by _____” and a test pattern for whenever I get writer’s block.
Sally Forth Sunday: Now the Forths Can Stay with You!
Have you ever wanted a comic character to stay at your house but you were immediately told that it wouldn’t be Calvin and Hobbes or Opus or Snoopy or Rat and Pig or a whole host of names that would initially come to mind, nor would they be from any of your favorite webcomics, nor from any graphic novels even though if you think about it having Alana and Marko hide out at your place would probably invite far more assassins than one is usually prepared to feed?
Well, now your most curious wishes can be granted in a certain manner by having Sally, Ted, and Hilary Forth Airbnb in your spare room, tool shed or crawl space! Yes, thanks to a long-game C-plot started last August, the entire back of the Forths’ house has been demolished in a way that somehow makes perfect, grounded sense in my mind. And since despite the fact that Abbey Spencer and Sam Driver of Judge Parker (rated the “Top Hate-Read Strip of 2018” by JD Power) have more property than God (officially determined following Sam’s legal victory over the Almighty concerning fence placement that then resulted in them finding oil in their accidentally uncovered diamond mine), the Forths cannot temporarily reside in Cavelton, Pennsylvania because weeks-long comic strip crossovers are far more complicated than one can might suppose (especially when newspapers don’t carry both strips). Which means everyone’s 53rd favorite comic strip family can now reside with you!
But what will you get if invite the Forths into your lives aside from every breakfast conversation being punctuated by disbelief Disney has yet to release the trailer for Star Wars Episode IX and wondering how all of Hilary’s friends got keys to your house? Why, such exclusive benefits as:
• The realization that your new guests are not aging at all even though they are experiencing and recalling time in the exact same construct as you…with the exception of their niece, who in a few years will be the oldest character in their world.
• Sally trying to convince you of an 80s space-band cartoon that she swore she watched every day as a child and is currently streaming on Netflix even though you cannot find evidence of either but are unable to say so because her entire family speaks far more than anyone you’ve ever encountered outside of an Aaron Sorkin production.
• Ted gradually wearing your clothes then replicating your entire look in a Single White Female fashion as the initial half-step to leading a new life while demanding you now refer to him as “The Honorable Lord Professor Everett Chadwell Mark 1.”
• A slightly GWAR-inspired middle-school band performing songs about lycanthropy in your garage or backyard while seemingly only attending school when it comes time for finals.
• Access to one Slip’N Slide and a series of MechaGodzilla hats from a theme park that much like the aforementioned 80s cartoon you cannot find existence of anywhere.
• The chance that not only will the Forths reside in your world but if realities bleed to an excessive degree or everyone achieves a Bergmanesque Persona-like melding of social masks then you can appear in their very strip only for some completely unhinged worthless lunatic to get angry at you if you’re not white or Christian.
• A cat who will bond with every evil spirit in your house, resulting in your ultimate doom.
Interested? Then contact the Forths in whatever state they reside in and let them know that you are willing to have them stay over, only to learn a comic strip world involves a lot more cameras, key grips, and Teamsters than you could ever imagine.
Good luck!
Sally Forth: “And By the Way, My Name’s Not Sally!”
Whenever we run a snowstorm story in Sally Forth we get some emails that read “Not snowing here! Way to blow that, dumbass!” These are often the same people who write “Our school system ends in May, not June. You screwed that up!” In short, there are quite a few solipsistic individuals reading the comics.
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